Jesus values friendship

Have you ever wondered why Jesus would always take three of His Apostles along with Him to some important events during His public ministry?

In the Transfiguration, Matthew noted that "after six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light" (Mt 17: 1-9).

In raising the daughter of Jairus, Luke has this account: "When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child's father and mother (Lk 8:51).

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Matthew again tells us: "Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee (James, John ) along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me" (Mt 26:36).

Among His 12 Apostles, Jesus has three circle of friends with whom He shared moments of glory (Transfiguration), of sorrow (Gethsemane) and of joy (important miracles): PETER, JAMES & JOHN.

Besides, among the three "best friends", Jesus has a special friend, whom the Evangelist John called "the Beloved Disciple" or "the disciple that Jesus loved". In fact, in John's account of the Last Supper, the Evangelist made mention of the Beloved Disciple "reclining on Jesus' bosom".

"There was reclining on Jesus' bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. So Simon Peter gestured to him, and said to him, "Tell us who it is of whom He is speaking." He, leaning back thus on Jesus' bosom, said to Him, "Lord, who is it?" (John 13:23-25). (See photo above).

What does it tell us?

It's telling us that friendship forms an essential part in the life of Jesus. Being truly human and being like us in all things except sin, Jesus must have also enjoyed the friendship of His disciples.

"No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you" (Jn 15:15).

It also means that in following the Lord friendship is an essential element. Discipleship is nothing else but "being friends with Jesus". And for those who are following the Lord in the priesthood, friendship also plays an important role as it is an essential element of the priestly ministry.

Making friends with co-seminarians and formators is an essential element of seminary formation, just as Jesus (The Ultimate Formator) was a friend to all His disciples and the disciples (the formandi) were friends among themselves.

Jesus also sees in friendship an opportunity to do apostolate. When He brought His circle of friends to witness some important events in His life, He was not just trying to appear "agreeable" and "likable" to them (like one who invites his newly-found barkadas out to drinks, coffee, movies, dinner, KTV, etc. so they would admire him or think bad of him by misinterpreting his gestures...).

No. Jesus was trying to teach them something...to make them know and understand Him, His message, His way of thinking. A kind of bonding, yes it was. But with a purpose: to make them think, talk and do things the way He does -- TO HELP THEM BECOME CHRIST-LIKE, for that is what it means to be His disciple. In a sense, it was part of their formation.

Of course, at first, they often did not understand Him. They mistook Him, His words, His gestures. Only after He was raised from the dead did they understand Him well. And the CIRCLE OF FRIENDS had contributed a lot to the whole group's understanding of WHO JESUS REALLY WAS, and of what He was really trying to teach them.

We can say, it was Jesus' strategy of forming His disciples. We can also say, it was His natural way of dealing with them as their formator -- Jesus, being truly human Himself.

For one who has been given the task of forming souls, nothing is wrong, I guess, with following the style of Jesus. Of course, not in an exaggerated way.

But just a piece of advice: IF YOU WISH TO FOLLOW JESUS' STYLE, BE SURE TO HAVE FIRST, JESUS' HEART. For the heart of Jesus treasures so much the value of friendship. And only through, with and in the heart of Jesus, true friendship can flourish.

Scruples

Here are some spiritual food from San Josemaria Escriva, taken from his famous book, The Way (nn 258-264). For those interested, who are at the same boat as I am. Hope you get spiritual benefits from these:

Get rid of those scruples that deprive you of peace. What robs you of your peace of soul cannot come from God.

When God comes to you, you will realize the truth of those greetings: My peace I give to you...My peace I leave with you... My peace be with you... And this peace you will feel even in the midst of tribulation.


Still those scruples! Talk simply and clearly with your director. Obey...and don't belittle the most loving heart of Our Lord.

Sadness, depression. I'm not surprised: it's the cloud of dust raised by your fall. But...enough of it! Can't you see that the cloud has been borne far away by the breath of grace?

Moreover, your sadness -- if you don't reject it -- could very well be the cloak of your pride. Did you really think yourself perfect and sinless?


I forbid you to think any more about it. Instead, bless God, who has given life back to your soul.


Don't think any more about your fall. Besides overwhelming and crushing you under its weight, that recollection may easily be an occasion of future temptation.

Christ has forgiven you! Forget the "old man" -- your former self.


Don't be disheartened. I have seen you struggle. Today's defeat is training for your final victory.


You've done well, even though you have fallen so low. You've done well, because you humbled yourself, because you straightened yourself out, because you filled yourself with hope -- and that hope brought you back again to His Love.

Don't look so amazed: you've done well! You rose up from the ground. Surge -- "Arise" -- cried anew the mighty voice -- et ambula -- "and walk!" Now--to work.

The Bible: a beautiful story that could touch your heart

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.

Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold.

Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible?", and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse,

Matt 7:11: "And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for...

IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKED THAT WAY! ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY LEAD YOU TO ATTACHMENTS!

Life is what you make of it; how you see it...

Don't talk yourself into more trouble than you need.

* * *

Depression is when you are "sadder than sad."

* * *

No matter what happens you can always make matters worse.

Understanding Depression

Improving your Thinking and Mood

"Create your own reality."

How you think is important.

Let’s focus on the role of thinking in depression. No matter what the other causes of depression may contribute, thinking always plays some role and can always make matters worse.

• If you are depressed because of a biochemical imbalance you will still be thinking about your life experiences.
• If you have too much stress you will certainly think about the stressful events.
• If you learned to be depressed then your usual pattern of thinking will maintain it.

Thinking is always occurring, and therefore plays a fundamental role in creating not only depression ,but all of our other emotions as well.

Understanding how our thinking creates our moods and behavior is an area of cognitive psychology. Trying to improve our thinking to improve our moods and behavior is cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy provides a good model for self-help.

Cognitive Therapy: Rational Emotive Therapy (RET)

One of the easiest cognitive therapy approaches to understand is that of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) as developed by Albert Ellis.

Rational Emotive Therapy tells us about the ABC’s of emotional life. It is practical and easy to apply.

• "A" stands for "Actual Event" and represents what happens to you in life.
• "B" stands for a "Belief" about what happened.
• "C" stand for the "Consequence" of the event on mood and behavior.

In life it appears to us that events happen and that the events cause our moods and behavior. It appears that A (an event) causes C (a consequence). So, if a friend breaks your trust you may be hurt and depressed. You may later tell someone that your friend has ruined your life and has made you miserable.

However, in order to be hurt and depressed you have to have a belief about what happened. You must be thinking in a certain way. It is your belief or thinking that is creating your reaction. You might be thinking, "It is horrible. It is terrible. I have been betrayed. I’ll never trust again."

A	B	C
Actual Event	Belief	Consequence
Broken Trust	It is horrible and terrible.	Hurt and Depressed

It is your belief that is creating the consequence. Change the belief and the result will change. What else could you be telling yourself? What might be a more realistic assessment of the event?

You could be thinking, "This is tough and I don’t like it but I am glad that I found out now rather than later. I made a mistake, but I can learn from it. I can get through it." You reaction might be one of hurt and disappointment which is a more realistic response. You would not fall into a state of depression and misery.

A	B	C
Actual Event	Belief	Consequence
Broken Trust	It is tough but at least I found out now. I can get through it.	Hurt and disappointed

Changing your belief changes the result.

Your belief will show up in the inner dialogue that you have with yourself. It is in the "Voice of Conscience" that talks to you about life.

This is the "Voice" that often speaks up when you look in the mirror or get on the scales. It can talk you into a lot of trouble. Learn to pay attention to this inner voice and be sure that it is realistic. Don’t fall into a negative pattern of worry or self-criticism which can only make matters worse. Realistic thinking will lead to realistic consequences over which you have a sense of control.

When you do find a negative belief then you must challenge it. You do this with steps D and E of the ABC model.

A	B	C	D	E
Event	Belief	Consequence	Dispute	New Effect
Broken Trust	It is horrible and terrible. I will never get over it.	Hurt and depressed, and feeling helpless.	It is tough but I found out now. I can get through it.	Hurt and disappointed, but still in control

"D" stand for dispute. Dispute means that once you have identified a negative or irrational belief you challenge it. You dispute it. You create a more realistic view and a more supportive inner dialogue.

A new dialogue leads to "E" which stands for "Effect" – a new effect. The result of a different belief is a different response. The same event now leads to different emotions and behaviors. With a new dialogue you regain control of your life.

Remember the ABC’s of emotional life. Always evaluate your "self-talk" and don’t talk yourself into more trouble than you need. Remembering your ABC’s will help you to make life go better.

Resource for Cognitive Therapy

Albert Ellis Institute
Home page for the originator of Rational Emotive Therapy

Detachment

During the Last Supper, the Apostles were dejected as they learned that Jesus would not be with them -- in His physical presence -- very shortly. Detachment could cause them a lot of pain.

One of the things that I find difficult in life is detachment: from people, from things, from events. It is a by-product of giving your all, your best, to whatever endeavor is given to you. In the end, you get attached and when time comes that you have to move on and leave whatever you have accomplished behind, the process of detachment is costly -- emotionally and psychologically.

But life must go on! We are not meant to "build three tents" in this world. We are just here to sow seeds. And after we have done so, we let go and we let God do the rest of the work.

LET GO AND LET GOD!

"Lord, help me to let go of people who have become part of me, of things that have become my comfort and convenience, of events that have become my joy. Help me to let you, my God, take the lead in this journey called 'life' towards the place where there's no need to let go anymore; for there, what is left is to let God. AMEN."

Why worry?

"Do not let your hearts be troubled; have faith in God and have faith in me," Jesus said.

I said, "Jesus, I trust in You."

But why do worries persist? No guilt; just worries... and nervousness... and shame... and pity...

Oh, how I wish I could bring back time and undo some things...

But Jesus reminded me: "Is there anyone, who, by worrying, could change the color of his hair? Am I not capable of doing miracles? Can I not touch hearts and change them without infringing freewill?"

"Lord, you know everything. Teach me to trust in you."

Only true friendship can heal this malady!

Thoughts to Ponder Today

Sometimes the Lord blurs our vision of the good things we have done with a single failure that we don't even intend to do, in order to keep our feet on the ground.

I always teach my students that God can write straight with crooked lines. And that from whatever mistake (and even sin) that we have done, God can draw something good. Yet, sometimes it really takes one concrete experience for teachers to learn -- and relearn -- their lessons.

"Whatever happens, happens for a reason", as a famous saying goes. And it is a challenge for everyone to discover what that reason may be. But for sure, it must be something for the good of those persons involved. As St. Paul said: "Everything works for the good of those who love the Lord."

Now, here are thoughts that could really make one ponder:

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

In one's fight, hundreds of victories may be outnumbered by one single failure.
FIGHT ANYWAY. (mine)

Interior struggle

An excerpt from San Josemaria Escriva's homily, April 4, 1971, Palm Sunday


"I know that the moment we talk about fighting we recall our weakness and we foresee falls and mistakes. God takes this into account. As we walk along it is inevitable that we will raise dust; we are creatures and full of defects. I would almost say that we will always need defects. They are the shadow which shows up the light of God's grace and our resolve to respond to God's kindness. And this chiaroscuro will make us human, humble, understanding and generous.

"Let's not deceive ourselves: in our life we will find vigor and victory and depression and defeat. This has always been true of the earthly piligrimage of Christians, even of those we venerate on the altars. Don't you remember Peter, Augustine, Francis? I have never liked biographies of saints which naively -- but also with a lack of sound doctrine -- present their deeds as if they had been confirmed in grace from birth. No. The true life stories of Christian heroes resemble our own experience: they fougth and won; they fought and lost. And then, repentant, they returned to the fray.

"We should not be surprised to find ourselves defeated relatively often, usually or even always in things of little importance which we tend to take seriously. If we love God and are humble, if we persevere relentlessly in our struggle, the defeats will never be very important. There will also be abundant victories which bring joy to God's eyes. There is no such thing as failure if you act with right intention, wanting to fulfill God's will and counting always on his grace and your own nothingness."

(For the whole text of the homily, please see "Christ is passing by" on pages 167-192.

Why afraid of LDPC?

Cogito

Published in Davao Catholic HERALD

April 20, 2008


When the Local Development Plan for Children (LDPC) was approved through a voting of 18-4-2 (YES, NO, abstained, respectively), the immediate reaction of almost every Catholic faithful present in the gallery of the Davao City Council session hall – especially those who understand deeply the implication of the said approval – was of utter fear and disturbance.
Despite the efforts of the main proponent of the plan, Councilor Angela Librado-Trinidad assuring the Council that the plan does not promote contraception, every well-informed Catholic is aware that the plan is tainted with “contraceptive flavor” (borrowing the words of Councilor Tessie Mata-Marañon, who strongly opposes the plan).
Councilor Peter Laviña, one who voted NO, said the LDPC “appears innocent at first glance.” However, “a large portion of it deals with reproductive health issues continuously opposed by pro-lifers, family crusaders and the Catholic Church.”
Why afraid of LDPC? The fact that it is under the guise of “reproductive health” and “safe pregnancy” is one good reason to be afraid. But a bigger reason is that our Honorable Councilors are aware of it and they just closed their eyes and raised their hands to say YES to it!

* * *

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Have faith in God; have faith also in me.”
Jesus’ words in this Sunday’s Gospel were my sole consolation as I walked out the session hall gnawing my tongue in disappointment. My irritation was fueled by the thought that some councilors whom I have voted last elections – to the best of their acting abilities – even made themselves appear to be against the plan. In the end, they were the first and the last to raise their hands.
What is there to be afraid of LDPC? Archbishop Capalla said it denigrates the virtue of chastity. I think he has a point. For even its proponent affirmed during the session: “We did not touch the issue on chastity (during the formulation of the principles), as it may not be sensitive to everybody.”
Well, to have a city councilor who is the head of the committee on women and children to say that is one big reason enough to “let our hearts be troubled”. I, for one, am disturbed by the idea that the issue on chastity “may not be sensitive to everybody”. To whom should this issue be sensitive? To the Church alone? To the parents alone?
The issue on chastity and how this virtue should be taught to our young is everybody’s concern. If the LDPC has to be integral and authentic, it has to consider teaching our children and youth the said virtue. Chastity-based education is what our children need, rather than education on the use of contraceptives.

* * *

“Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” Thomas asked Jesus.
How can we know the way towards the authentic and integral development of our children in Davao City? I don’t think this was the prevailing spirit last Tuesday in the session hall.
True. Councilor Mahipus had raised concern about the second Pastoral Statement of Archbishop Capalla but only to let Councilor Librado-Trinidad answer each of the five objections of the archbishop in a literal manner, by saying that “the objections are nowhere to be found explicitly in the plan”.
But then, when Councilor Marañon wished to present as an amendment the separation or the rejection of the “contraceptive flavor” from the plan, almost everyone was groping for a way out. And the house rules are the most convenient way.

* * *

Jesus answered: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.”
Jesus offers us “the Way, the Truth and the Life”. Yet, instead of admitting to ourselves that “we do not know the way; how can we know the way?” we look for our own way, we create our own truth and we make a living out of it.
The way to real and authentic children development is when they are taught the truth about themselves. For only in that truth can they live a life to the full.
But how could we educate these children on the truth about themselves if by giving them “full access to affordable services and accurate information that will promote safe pregnancies and produce and nurture healthy babies” (LDPC, Chap 2, sec. b), we are actually reinforcing in them the fallacy that their sexual urges cannot be controlled.
In giving them “full access to affordable services and accurate information” regarding contraceptives, we are actually telling our children that you cannot control yourselves; hence, use condoms and pills. And still we ask: Why afraid of LDPC?
Well, in the end, there’s nothing to be afraid of LDPC. For as the Good Book says, “People may plan all kinds of things but the Lord’s will is going to be done” (Proverbs 19:21).