Discover the 90/10 Principle

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.

We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.

When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having. Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!

React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc. How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. You are told you lost your job.
> Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

It CAN change your life!!! Enjoy….

Understanding Depression

Improving your Thinking and Mood

"Create your own reality."

How you think is important.

Let’s focus on the role of thinking in depression. No matter what the other causes of depression may contribute, thinking always plays some role and can always make matters worse.

• If you are depressed because of a biochemical imbalance you will still be thinking about your life experiences.
• If you have too much stress you will certainly think about the stressful events.
• If you learned to be depressed then your usual pattern of thinking will maintain it.

Thinking is always occurring, and therefore plays a fundamental role in creating not only depression ,but all of our other emotions as well.

Understanding how our thinking creates our moods and behavior is an area of cognitive psychology. Trying to improve our thinking to improve our moods and behavior is cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy provides a good model for self-help.

Cognitive Therapy: Rational Emotive Therapy (RET)

One of the easiest cognitive therapy approaches to understand is that of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) as developed by Albert Ellis.

Rational Emotive Therapy tells us about the ABC’s of emotional life. It is practical and easy to apply.

• "A" stands for "Actual Event" and represents what happens to you in life.
• "B" stands for a "Belief" about what happened.
• "C" stand for the "Consequence" of the event on mood and behavior.

In life it appears to us that events happen and that the events cause our moods and behavior. It appears that A (an event) causes C (a consequence). So, if a friend breaks your trust you may be hurt and depressed. You may later tell someone that your friend has ruined your life and has made you miserable.

However, in order to be hurt and depressed you have to have a belief about what happened. You must be thinking in a certain way. It is your belief or thinking that is creating your reaction. You might be thinking, "It is horrible. It is terrible. I have been betrayed. I’ll never trust again."

A	B	C
Actual Event	Belief	Consequence
Broken Trust	It is horrible and terrible.	Hurt and Depressed

It is your belief that is creating the consequence. Change the belief and the result will change. What else could you be telling yourself? What might be a more realistic assessment of the event?

You could be thinking, "This is tough and I don’t like it but I am glad that I found out now rather than later. I made a mistake, but I can learn from it. I can get through it." You reaction might be one of hurt and disappointment which is a more realistic response. You would not fall into a state of depression and misery.

A	B	C
Actual Event	Belief	Consequence
Broken Trust	It is tough but at least I found out now. I can get through it.	Hurt and disappointed

Changing your belief changes the result.

Your belief will show up in the inner dialogue that you have with yourself. It is in the "Voice of Conscience" that talks to you about life.

This is the "Voice" that often speaks up when you look in the mirror or get on the scales. It can talk you into a lot of trouble. Learn to pay attention to this inner voice and be sure that it is realistic. Don’t fall into a negative pattern of worry or self-criticism which can only make matters worse. Realistic thinking will lead to realistic consequences over which you have a sense of control.

When you do find a negative belief then you must challenge it. You do this with steps D and E of the ABC model.

A	B	C	D	E
Event	Belief	Consequence	Dispute	New Effect
Broken Trust	It is horrible and terrible. I will never get over it.	Hurt and depressed, and feeling helpless.	It is tough but I found out now. I can get through it.	Hurt and disappointed, but still in control

"D" stand for dispute. Dispute means that once you have identified a negative or irrational belief you challenge it. You dispute it. You create a more realistic view and a more supportive inner dialogue.

A new dialogue leads to "E" which stands for "Effect" – a new effect. The result of a different belief is a different response. The same event now leads to different emotions and behaviors. With a new dialogue you regain control of your life.

Remember the ABC’s of emotional life. Always evaluate your "self-talk" and don’t talk yourself into more trouble than you need. Remembering your ABC’s will help you to make life go better.

Resource for Cognitive Therapy

Albert Ellis Institute
Home page for the originator of Rational Emotive Therapy